*MUSHROOM LAND!

Monday, July 11, 2005

regret

i'm 17 yrs late... really late... late in everything... today's e NKF charity show 2... cried again when watching e patients' vcr... it also made me recall some memories which i wish i can forget... a painful experience... a really painful 1... and i guess i'll carry it wif me forever... i can still rmbr e scene vividly in my mind... it seems to have happened yesterday... but it's been 1 yr plus...
17 yrs... i've not said 'i love u' to him at all... neither do i feel dat i'll lose him one day... i took everything for granted... until e day he passed on... did i realise dat i miss him so much n my love for him is always in my subconscious mind all these yrs... until e moment he was cremated... i understand i'll lose him forever... forever...
till today, whenever i stepped into his room(which is now empty... with some toys in it...), i still rmbr how he laid on bed n said e last words to me.."kaiting, yao hao hao du shu." n how peaceful he looked when he's on e bed still n hard wif his chest stopped beating at 08:02...
as i'm blogging now... i'm tearing... i noe he'd be sad if he knows abt it... but it pains my heart knowing i'll not be able to c him again in my life... not be able to hear him speak to me... not be able to feel his touch... not be able to let him noe how much i respected him...
I LOVE U, ye ye!

spoke at : 12:25 AM